Unloading my think tank...

excited, happy, nervous, jittery... just few of the things I feel every second of the day. The days are finally here. Or should I say, the days are finally here.

I know that is same, but thats not how the sentences sound in my head. You see, yesterday was my last day at work. I'm officially unemployed :) There were a lot of gasps, we-never-saw-it-coming, whys, was-it-a-secret, and "I can't believe you're going; we are all going to miss you". I, for one, didn't know that my colleagues thought so much about me. Make that ex-colleagues :) It was so surreal - emailing the resignation mail, talking to my boss about it, the long 1 month wait, and the filing of papers related to IT, then the signatures on various forms from the department heads, and finally the exit interview. I went through each of them not knowing what I was feeling, or what I should be. One moment it felt as though it was happening all too suddenly, another moment it felt as though it was about time. And even today, I can't put my finger on it.

So much so that I came home and cried. Couldn't hold back my tears. I don't know whats gotten into me these days; I feel overwhelmed by all thats happening around me. Sometimes even if I'm not a part of it. And all the feeling was funny cuz it was hubby's birthday yesterday, and I was crying. He consoled me and asked me to get ready since we were going out for dinner. I'd say that took my mind off the things going on. We 4 had a lovely time. I'm going to miss M.

Today I got a lot of packing done, since we are leaving this city. There are so many things to take, so many not to. But all's gotta be packed anyway.

I haven't been eating properly and neither have I been sleeping. Oh no I do sleep well, but only once I am in deep slumber. To get me to lie down on the bed is not an issue, closing my eyes isn't either - but I can't seem to fall asleep. My eyes burn, my head pounds - yet sleep evades me. The solution? Amrutanjan. A pea-size of it rubbed on my forehead and I doze off. But I don't like the idea. I'm 27. I should be able to sleep right? I should have no problems with that right? I guess... maybe... its all in my hands. The clutter in my head doesn't help. Or I'm too timid to get rid of it. *breathe* *be strong* *breathe*

All this in no way means that I'm unhappy. I am very happy with all the new things that I'm going to learn and enjoy in the coming days, but like I said - overwhelmed. But also happy!

I'm going to miss Aditi. She's like my daughter. I love it when she calls me "moushi", when she calls me "dummi"... I feel this happiness inside of me when she says, "nangu nee serti moushi"... I imagine her running around the house, talking constantly, looking at every object with those curious, round, big black eyes, looking for "naani", touching my mom's saree and asking, "naani??". I just want to take her in my arms and give her so much of warmth and love, and shield her from all the bad things in the world. I'm going to miss her. I already do. OK, there you go, I'm crying again. And I quickly wipe my tears cuz mom says its bad to cry during "mooru sanji hottu".

I'm going to stop right now. I don't want to face the emotional me. Thats too hard cuz the tough me can't handle her. I'll get back to packing :)

Nov 26, 2008 is a date that'll go down in history as the day when a city was taken hostage. A day of how a handful of young men (no more than 26-27 probably) leave aside all sanity, and decide to bomb places around downtown Bombay for no reason. Blood everywhere. People running scared. Mayhem. 

Purpose solved? Yes? If yes, then whose purpose is solved? And how? Is there sudden peace everywhere? Have apologies been tendered and lost lives got back? Have the Israelis and Palestenians made peace? Bush says sorry? Al-Qaeda boss retracts his statements of Jehad and condemns voilence? Kandahar forgotten? Dec 5 1992 forgotten? Advani repents? Guantanamo Bay closed? Mothers who lost their sons and daughters to suicide bombs, other forms of terrorist attacks, got them back? If all this is long shot, then at least has the path for any of the above taken?

NO.

So purpose solved? No? Okay. If no, then when will it? And now, if this is the way to achieve something, somebody explain why they think firing at innocent people at a railway station in random will begin to achieve what their leader envisions for them. Pray tell in what way this kind of behaviour gets any message across. 100 killed, 186 injured. Explain each one. 

Terrorists have been rounding up people with British and American passports, and Israeli people hostages. Point being? You think war since years will cease once you've taken them as hostages? Terrorists call themselves from a group called Deccan Mujahideen. Mujahideen! Log to apne aap ko aise hi mujahideen bolte hai. As if people dying from natural causes, suicide, diseases, accidental deaths wasn't enough that we have these men trying to kill? Who are these men anyway? I cringe, I cry when I look at the news reports. Have these people got any sense of what is compassion, mercy, peace, praying, faith. Or even having fun like watching movies, falling in love, marrying someone, bunking classes and go to watch movies, play cards, take a vacation, have a family meal together - anything?! Bloody anything at all? GUNS is all they understand. No purpose in life. No meaning to the life they are living. All means to try and show some balls. Avenge for revenge for something thats happening, the root for which is probably their predecessor terrorists like themselves. 

The Kandahar incident is a major contributor to this. If we hadn't released Mullah Omar (calls himself a Mullah!), he wouldn't have instigated. I believe that Osama talks and also provides money for ammunition, and this Omar breathes fire in people by way of his talks. No behind are Advani and Praveen Togadia. Saala saare fasaad ki jad ye hai aur bhugatna kisko padta hai? 

Check this picture. The kid is not even 3 probably. She's got bloodstains all over her. Who's she? Which religion does she belong to? The watch on the policeman's wrist says 11.10 PM.  The kid should've been asleep dreaming of fairys and playground and toys dammit! Not be in a hospital!

I see that Army, NSG Commandos, and RAF are in Oberoi and I hope all terrorists are killed - regardless of who they are, and which religion they belong to. I don't care if they are only rounding up non-Indians. It doesn't matter. An iron hand is needed. 

My prayers are with ATS chief Karkare's family, and all of the families who've lost their dear ones. Its as much a loss as everyone's as theirs, and may God give them strength to cope with a grave situation like this. May peace, happiness and sanity return to this world. AMEN. 

My Orkut profile today says - Today's fortune: You will have some wonderful new experiences. AMEN to that!

My 5-day vacation to my hometown was great. But I got lots pending here. My mailbox is flooded, I got lots of packing to do, change my spectacle frame, buy few warm clothes - and probably something more that I haven't realised yet.

Anyway, the engagement function was so grand it looked like wedding reception! Poo looked radiant :) She's all gung-ho about moving to US. I even went to Belgaum to meet my elder relatives, which was actually the main purpose of the trip :) My kaka was li'l sad that I would be leaving him and going so far. And my kaku cried a little. Makes me feel that I should've done more for them. I get overwhelmed everytime about it. I feel that I should've done more for them, for my mom, my sis...

Confession - there's never a time I'm not guilt-ridden.

Anyway, the towns are as dusty as they were when I left them. Why? Hardly any development. I pay my taxes regularly. And I expect them to go to develop such places. Or isn't what I pay not enough? I'd say it is. And when we passed these even smaller towns and villages on the way to meet my relatives in B'gaum, I saw small wheel-shops on the roadside, selling Lays ke chips and Coke and Pepsi. Even the diet variety! I thought, "Coke and Pepsi aa gaya, saala development nahi aaya!". But people are warm-hearted as ever :)
One man (a raeeta (farmer)) said - "Eee bus raylay tashannakka nindar taeetenri?". Translated to, "Does this bus stop at the railway station?". I burst into laughter hearing his accent.
Another man (again a raita (farmer)) goes - "Oh conductraa, wand swalp sheetee hodi paa bus nindars lagootne!!". Translates to, "Conductor, please blow the whistle and stop the bus quickly!". He could've just asked him to stop. It can even without the whistle. LOL. I again laughed out loud. Auto rickshaws still take 25 to go to any part of the city. Man, I'm really going to miss all this.

I had no time to meet Madhu or Krishna. Been ages since I met them.

And this one time we were going to B'lore, I remember seeing small star marks near our names in the list attached on the train bogie. Legend below said we were upgraded from 3AC to a 2AC compartment! Wah wah Lalooji ki jai ho!

Since then, me hourat girl (hourat is greedy in marathi), I always check for star marks near my name everytime I travel :D hoping that I am upgraded to 2AC :D What?! Who doesn't want freebies?! Sadly, this time, both ways, for all 4 trains, I had to travel in 3AC. No upgrade-shupgrade. And to top it, the train from to Chennai, arrived 45 mins late. And because the waiting room closes at 11 PM, I had to wait on the platform in biting cold until 12.15 AM. Lalooji hai hai.

Waise, he has done a great deal for the Indian Railways. And its actually a pleasure travelling in trains now :) The comfort, the options to take a train, the service - is all good :)

I'm gonna miss that too :(

I watched Quantum of Solace last night. In theatre. From 10.30 PM to 1 AM. And I fell asleep post-interval HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No the movie wasn't bad, just that I was too tired. When hubby woke me up, I asked, "Oh! Movie khatam? Kya hua end mein?" ("Movie over? What happens in the end?"). He replies, "Bond jeet gaya. Ab chalo ghar chale!" ("Bond won. Now lets go home.") LOL.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt by himself.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "what does it say on your shirt?"

"University of Oklahoma", he yelled back.

And they say women are dumb...

*****

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
She replies, "I'll miss you..."

*****

"Its just too hot to wear clothes today,", said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for money", she replied.

*****

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking and sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

*****

A man and his wife, now in their sixties, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good, they could have one wish each.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline.cruise tickets in her hand.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh! He turned 90!

Gotta love that fairy!

*****

And my favourite...

Dear Lord,

I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN! :D

... key... well forget it. There will be thieves everywhere. "What can you do? Leave it."

Lately, the kind of people I seem to encounter are jerk-people. You know, the kind, who are narrow-minded, or are overtly-proud of themselves (not in a nice way) and mean. It bugs me no end to face these people every single day and if I didn't have my priorities right, I'd show them where they could all go.

I say "if I didn't have my priorities right", because I'm not going to jeopardise my future for a bunch of people who don't even figure in my future.

Yesterday, I went to get a solid case for my guitar. I took a bus which I thought would take that route. The bus conductor says this bus takes a diff route, you can get down at blah blah stop. I'm like okay. But I got down few stops earlier and went to opp side bus stop, thinking I can take a bus that back to where I wanted to. Not wanting to take the wrong one this time, I asked few people which bus to take. ALL, can you believe it, ALL replied, "I don't know!". So I took whatever bus I thought was right, and ended up getting down one stop before a bus stand thats close to my house! Well! Its so confusing with the names all written in Tamil, and conductor nodding his head when you ask before you board, only to be told while taking the tkt that this bus goes nowhere where you want to. So at the bus stand, I marched into the control room and asked which bus would take me to place A; my sentence spoken very very slowly, clearly, and supplemented with actions.

Finally! But guess what. The market was closed as it was a Sunday, which of course doesnt apply to "pattu" saree shops and "thanga maligai" shops. Silk sarees and gold jewellery. So I didn't alight from the bus (I could see the music instruments shop that I wanted to go to, was closed), instead went all the way upto a stop where I knew that crossing the road to opp. side bus stop would help me take the same bus back. Else, I would've got entangled in that whole "I don't know" and wrong buses and one ways again.

So this was one uneventful weekend.

Can't wait for Nov 11th, then Dec 14th, then Dec 26th, finally! :D

... so says my Today's Fortune on Orkut. Well then, lets start with a post!

I am back from a 6 day vacation! My cousin, the beautiful, talented, intelligent Kanch, got married and this was a perfect opportunity to meet few relatives I hadn't met in a long time, and wouldn't be able to do so for a long time either. Weddings are such a fun time. Dress up, tease the groom, eat good food, hugs, good wishes - ah!

Best part was meeting my neice. What a cute kid :) I want herrrrrrrrrrr she so pretty and thin and tall! She kept saying "Naaanni beku" ("I want my grandma" - she loves my mom!), "Aaaaaiiii aaai aai aai" (calling out to her mom), and loads of such cute things. During the reception, she saw my hubby and stretched her arms, a sign that she wants him to take her in his arms. :O She NEVER did that with me! Bataati hu use... no boyfriend tips, or supporting her when she wants to take up tatooing as her fulltime job!

I will get to meet few more ppl at Poo's engagement, dunno after that. The tickets are booked. Now is the time to dispose of the things at home we won't be needing.

I was watching America's Next Top Model, and my! Beauty is overrated isn't it. But I guess as long as you are willing to go the extra mile to look good, it shouldn't be anyone's concern. Its purely upto the individual.

Everytime I login to orkut, I look at my fortune and go into a deep, extra, too-much thinking mode (not that I need a trigger for that... ). I start wonderting if this is what it means, or what it doesn't mean, and begin relating things that happened recently, or I might do differently because of it. What crap. I need to snap out of it. Things will happen. Look at the past 2 months. Its all happening. Dekhte dekhte it'll be Dec last week. Life does throw challenges to us doesn't it? Or we dive head first into it. Who knows. Sab maaya hai. I got my passport in 2002, and the "Date of Issue" was same as "Place of Issue". I tried getting it corrected, but somehow it never happened. Then, in Feb 2007, 5 years after getting it, (which means half the validity period is over :)) ), the kind man at the Regional Passport Office corrects it. Without bribe, without us needing to stand in queue, without needing to fill any forms. He says its a "clerical mistake" and corrects in 5 seconds. Lo! So things happen. Will happen.

I'm currently reading Midnight's Children. Who's read it? Any thoughts?

Who's not seen the movie Transformers? Anyone? You? Pls, take the nearest newspaper and roll and whack yourself on your head with it! Its an amazing movie! Full AI and robotics. Fun, with a message and extremely enjoyable! I bet you wished you had a Bumble Bee to protect you :)

I have lots to write and now I'm going to do just that.

We have taken some important steps in our life, both work and personal, and those steps are huge. Hell, its not a step, its a leap!

It all started with a thought - how about if we... ? It seemed like a right thing to do, so we printed out the forms, filled them. After 2 attempts at me (alone) filing the application as independent candidate, we finally did it the 3rd time (for me), 1st time (for him) and applied together on same day. We got the results a month and 21 days later, again on the same day.

The tickets are booked too. Its all going to work out. It has to :)

I'm going to look at it as an opportunity to learn, grow and enjoy. Think of all the places I'll see, people I'll meet, cuisines I'll get to try, new friends I'll make! It's going to be a lot of fun!