Overwhelmed...
excited, happy, nervous, jittery... just few of the things I feel every second of the day. The days are finally here. Or should I say, the days are finally here.
I know that is same, but thats not how the sentences sound in my head. You see, yesterday was my last day at work. I'm officially unemployed :) There were a lot of gasps, we-never-saw-it-coming, whys, was-it-a-secret, and "I can't believe you're going; we are all going to miss you". I, for one, didn't know that my colleagues thought so much about me. Make that ex-colleagues :) It was so surreal - emailing the resignation mail, talking to my boss about it, the long 1 month wait, and the filing of papers related to IT, then the signatures on various forms from the department heads, and finally the exit interview. I went through each of them not knowing what I was feeling, or what I should be. One moment it felt as though it was happening all too suddenly, another moment it felt as though it was about time. And even today, I can't put my finger on it.
So much so that I came home and cried. Couldn't hold back my tears. I don't know whats gotten into me these days; I feel overwhelmed by all thats happening around me. Sometimes even if I'm not a part of it. And all the feeling was funny cuz it was hubby's birthday yesterday, and I was crying. He consoled me and asked me to get ready since we were going out for dinner. I'd say that took my mind off the things going on. We 4 had a lovely time. I'm going to miss M.
Today I got a lot of packing done, since we are leaving this city. There are so many things to take, so many not to. But all's gotta be packed anyway.
I haven't been eating properly and neither have I been sleeping. Oh no I do sleep well, but only once I am in deep slumber. To get me to lie down on the bed is not an issue, closing my eyes isn't either - but I can't seem to fall asleep. My eyes burn, my head pounds - yet sleep evades me. The solution? Amrutanjan. A pea-size of it rubbed on my forehead and I doze off. But I don't like the idea. I'm 27. I should be able to sleep right? I should have no problems with that right? I guess... maybe... its all in my hands. The clutter in my head doesn't help. Or I'm too timid to get rid of it. *breathe* *be strong* *breathe*
All this in no way means that I'm unhappy. I am very happy with all the new things that I'm going to learn and enjoy in the coming days, but like I said - overwhelmed. But also happy!
I'm going to miss Aditi. She's like my daughter. I love it when she calls me "moushi", when she calls me "dummi"... I feel this happiness inside of me when she says, "nangu nee serti moushi"... I imagine her running around the house, talking constantly, looking at every object with those curious, round, big black eyes, looking for "naani", touching my mom's saree and asking, "naani??". I just want to take her in my arms and give her so much of warmth and love, and shield her from all the bad things in the world. I'm going to miss her. I already do. OK, there you go, I'm crying again. And I quickly wipe my tears cuz mom says its bad to cry during "mooru sanji hottu".
I'm going to stop right now. I don't want to face the emotional me. Thats too hard cuz the tough me can't handle her. I'll get back to packing :)
I know that is same, but thats not how the sentences sound in my head. You see, yesterday was my last day at work. I'm officially unemployed :) There were a lot of gasps, we-never-saw-it-coming, whys, was-it-a-secret, and "I can't believe you're going; we are all going to miss you". I, for one, didn't know that my colleagues thought so much about me. Make that ex-colleagues :) It was so surreal - emailing the resignation mail, talking to my boss about it, the long 1 month wait, and the filing of papers related to IT, then the signatures on various forms from the department heads, and finally the exit interview. I went through each of them not knowing what I was feeling, or what I should be. One moment it felt as though it was happening all too suddenly, another moment it felt as though it was about time. And even today, I can't put my finger on it.
So much so that I came home and cried. Couldn't hold back my tears. I don't know whats gotten into me these days; I feel overwhelmed by all thats happening around me. Sometimes even if I'm not a part of it. And all the feeling was funny cuz it was hubby's birthday yesterday, and I was crying. He consoled me and asked me to get ready since we were going out for dinner. I'd say that took my mind off the things going on. We 4 had a lovely time. I'm going to miss M.
Today I got a lot of packing done, since we are leaving this city. There are so many things to take, so many not to. But all's gotta be packed anyway.
I haven't been eating properly and neither have I been sleeping. Oh no I do sleep well, but only once I am in deep slumber. To get me to lie down on the bed is not an issue, closing my eyes isn't either - but I can't seem to fall asleep. My eyes burn, my head pounds - yet sleep evades me. The solution? Amrutanjan. A pea-size of it rubbed on my forehead and I doze off. But I don't like the idea. I'm 27. I should be able to sleep right? I should have no problems with that right? I guess... maybe... its all in my hands. The clutter in my head doesn't help. Or I'm too timid to get rid of it. *breathe* *be strong* *breathe*
All this in no way means that I'm unhappy. I am very happy with all the new things that I'm going to learn and enjoy in the coming days, but like I said - overwhelmed. But also happy!
I'm going to miss Aditi. She's like my daughter. I love it when she calls me "moushi", when she calls me "dummi"... I feel this happiness inside of me when she says, "nangu nee serti moushi"... I imagine her running around the house, talking constantly, looking at every object with those curious, round, big black eyes, looking for "naani", touching my mom's saree and asking, "naani??". I just want to take her in my arms and give her so much of warmth and love, and shield her from all the bad things in the world. I'm going to miss her. I already do. OK, there you go, I'm crying again. And I quickly wipe my tears cuz mom says its bad to cry during "mooru sanji hottu".
I'm going to stop right now. I don't want to face the emotional me. Thats too hard cuz the tough me can't handle her. I'll get back to packing :)