Unloading my think tank...

Yesterday I finished my work early and left for home. I planned to watch Ratatouille last evening, but it didn't work out (no tickets available). I was blue, I was so looking forward to catch an animation movie, that too from Steve Job's co. But, everything happens for a reason, I thought since I'll be leaving early why not go to the tailor and put myself through the torture of getting my dresses back.

I went home, took bath (for 2nd time in the day in case you think I didn't in the morning) and headed straight to the boutique. She gave me my dresses, saying it was altered and would now fit me well. About time, I said to myself (I was supposed to get them on 1st). Alas, how wrong was she! And I! Each of the 4 were horribly stitched. To make a long story short, after 3 hours of no-its-so-tight-that-I-can't-take-it-over-my-chest-when-I'm-trying-to-take-the-dress-off and no-this-is-still-tight-I-can't-breathe (why would she want to kill me????), I half-heartedly agreed and took my dresses, after over-paying her (class A bitch that she is).

What took me by surprise that I was really angry at one point with her, and her tailor. She has employed 4 tailors and they do the job. Mine was done by a new joinee. Horrible. I felt so much anger, that I could hear me telling the angry-me, calm down its just a piece of cloth, its just a new dress, nothing to get so worked up about. And when she overcharged me I felt even more anger. C'mon she should've compensated ME because of the delay and trips to her boutique and innumerable trials in the trial room! After I went back home, I felt that I shouldn't have been so mad. Though I didn't yell at her or anything, I wasn't even aggressive (by words), but the feeling inside - was terrible. My heart was racing (thats bad in a way), I was breathing heavily, and my insides were doing somersaults. I hated feeling that way. After I came home, I guess the feeling was still within me, so I got irritated at my mom (I tried to control!) and slept without brushing my teeth or putting eyedrops. In other words, I caused more harm to myself with such unreaosnable behaviour. The tailor got away with more cash, my mom and I made up before I hung up, only I didn't brush or take care of my eyes.

Yes, I learnt my lesson. Anger is such an emotion, its one thing that comes to you unvited (though you will have invited it subconciously but won't acknowledge/admit - like you'll blame someone else for your anger most of the times) and stays on till you get rid of it. Believe me, which is hard. Especially with the stress you face, and also simple questions when you are angry will add fuel to the fire. Its so bad I wonder why its so hard to control it, to not feel it.

I have a challenge for all reading this, and me - try not to be angry at anyone for a whole day. I'll come back end of the day today (or tomorrow) and write how I fared.

Just some random pic I found in my collection (clicked by me, of course). Reminds me of myself - there are times when I open up and pour my heart out, and there are times when I withdraw into my cocoon like a touch-me-not.

Oh well.......

The week just whizzed by like that didn't it? Seems like Monday was just yesterday... Anyways, the author begs your pardon for being a total arse yesterday; she does let the moods take over sometimes. I assure you the occurrence will be rare. And so does the author.

I had quite a lot on my plate to complete (and I still do), but I'm stuck in the rut. With my team lead in US, it becomes ever so hard to co-ordinate with him. I understand he and the manager over there need the work done asap, but when I reach a dead-end, well, I've reached a dead-end. Can't get anywhere from there. I feel so bad; next week I'm on vacation and I hope my team lead doesn't have to bear the brunt. I made the changes he'd asked me to, took the new files, compiled the shit (with the server in bg.). But nothing ever happens, and I wonder... (line stolen from Lemon Tree :D ) So I went ahead and completed some other work, thinking I'll get back to this later, and now I see that my server's gone kaput! God help me now! You're doomed! says my inner voice. *sigh*

Oh Jesus Christofani! The server's up again! I did some tweaks here and there, and now its up and running! Let me get back to my work and see how's it going...

To be continued...

Part 2

Work continues, with no result. Motherfucking exceptions, I hate 'em!

Took appointment from the eye doctor. Bloody Herpes Zoster. Its still troubling me and my eye. Its been almost a year (I got the goddamn thing in Nov. last) and I'm still on eye drops, and my eye seems blur at times. If I close my other good eye, it seems like I'm looking at things through a transparent sheet, or a watery surface - everything appears blur and liquid-y. It scares me. Eyes are so precious, you wouldnt want a thing to happen to 'em. Pray for me, I hope all turns out fine at the doc's tomorrow *fingers crossed*

Oh shoot, that reminds me, I havent put in afternoon dose of the eye drops! Note to self: Be more careful and do NOT miss the dosage next time.

I'll go eat snacks in a little while.

Come to my office canteen if you want to eat sandwiches of the shittiest variety.

My friend with whom I go to snacks with, is a very toughy person. She touches my shoulder, hands, pokes my waist (what the hell) - and that really makes me uncomfortable. But she's really really nice. No unnecessary attitude-throwing or any of that horseshit.

My team mate was kind enough to let me eat the contents of his lunchbox. Tasty food.

*breathe in breathe out, breathe in breathe out* relax...

Okay people, time to go. Be good, do good :)

Oh and another thing, I'm going to watch Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix tonight! Super duper excited!

I am back from a whirlwind trip to the place where I did my schooling, higher education, made best friends, and prepared myself to face the world on my own.

Life, was so peaceful back then. I lived a sheltered life, and was happy to be like that. As I walked through those familiar streets, I could see myself going to school, being scared as I walked into my class on first day of college, laughed nervously when professor asked if I meddled with the titration experiments, haggled with friends to get the last bench, sipped tea in the canteen, mugged the fat books, fought with my best friend, worked hard to get good marks, and cried as seniors teased me because I had thick eyebrows and didnt use to thread them back then. Fug those mofos, I could care less.

I wonder now, now that I know how my life has shaped, if I could go back at all and change what I was. Or would/will be. Maybe I would still make the same mistakes I made. Or maybe I'd never fight with L and be thick as thieves even now. Maybe I'd go ahead and still be the same me, but much much stronger, and more confident. Maybe I'd go back and take part in that elocution contest, or didnt listen to my mom and went ahead and took part in the fashion show. Maybe I fought my inner self and took those Bharatnatyam classes while in school. Maybe I'd really be followingmy dream and be a journalist, and for life of me not be one of the many fish in the IT well that I am now. Maybe, just maybe, I'd change just one day in my growing up years and that would change everything.

Life can be such a load of crap at times. Or maybe it just seems so. Maybe we take it too seriously, not enjoy, and long before we know life goes by in a flash and you are now dead. But, does it really matter in the end? We leave everything behind - the very thing we lived for.

Really, there are times when I cant be bothered. And then there are times like this. If only it'd be simple, with answers served on a silver platter!